Viewing Habits

A few years after the end of my football career I was serving in the Army, stationed in Germany. American football on TV was limited to one three-week-old game each Saturday, while back in the U.S. the number of college and professional games available on TV each week was increasing rapidly. When we returned home, starved for football I said goodbye to my wife and two children and began watching ten or twelve games a week. Several years into this schedule, I decided to alter my game watching pace for a couple of reasons: one, I was actually tiring of so much football and two, I was curious as to what my family did in the fall.

Not only were there more games they were lasting longer. My new plan was to drop pro ball entirely and choose a few college games which I would record and watch later at a rapid pace. The new system was working very well when my wife said that since the children were older and I was watching fewer games maybe she would join me.

When we sat down to watch the next game, she looked at her watch and said, “I thought the game started at 2.”

“It did,” I said.

“Well, it’s now 3.”

“I recorded it.”

“Why would we not watch it live?”

I said, “Because for various reasons, such as celebrations after every play, the games are becoming interminable.”

She said, “That’s ridiculous. The games may be lasting longer but it’s not because of celebrations. The players are just showing their enthusiasm and besides you once wanted to try it yourself.”

I corrected her, “I did not suggest celebrating. I had seen a player on TV urging the crowd to cheer by waving his arms and I simply thought it seemed like a good way to get everyone more involved.”

“But the coaches didn’t agree?”

“Well, I mentioned the idea only to Coach Ellington.”

“And?”

As I recall he said something along the lines of, “As your friend, who recruited you, let me just say that I’m pretty sure you will catch more hell than you can imagine if you suggest this to anyone else.”

Next she asked me why I had the sound muted and I told her it was because in my opinion there was too much chatter from the announcers.

She said, “I think it adds to the experience to be able to hear the comments.”

I said, “Okay, since I don’t hear well I’ll put the volume on low and you can hear everything that’s said including the hour and a half of commercials.”

I think she mumbled, “You don’t have to be snippy.”

The experience was now under her control and she was really getting into it.

“Wow, did you see that?” she yelled.

I said, “Yeah, he made three yards.”

“I’m talking about the left tackle’s block. If you had the volume louder, you would have known that.”

“I only watch the ball,” I told her.

She said, “You played quarterback and safety, surely you had to watch more than just the ball.”

I said, “Not really. As quarterback I handed the ball off or threw it, and as safety I went wherever the ball was going.”

Becoming frustrated, she argued, “Okay, but you said you were required to watch and analyze film when you were in college.”

“That’s actually the problem. I got really tired having to watch so much during the week and then to top it off I had to look at more on Friday nights before games at the hotel with Coach Royal while everybody else was watching the Flintstones.”

“The what?”

“It was a very funny program. Surely you must have seen it.”

Shaking her head she sighed and asked if I knew what an enigma was. When I said I didn’t, she told me to look it up because I was one.

We had finally settled into a routine that was somewhat acceptable to both of us when we received the news my nephew, who had just completed his college football career, was joining a professional team. I told her we would obviously now have to go back to watching a few pro games when his team was on TV. She said watching a couple of games wouldn’t be proper support: that we needed to get the NFL TV package so we could see every one of his games. When I informed her that I had friends who subscribed to the package and reported it cost a fortune, she said, “We’re not doing it to watch just anyone, it’s our nephew and besides how many years can he last?” (The answer was 13. To follow his career on TV cost me about what I made in my year of pro ball.)

When we went back to just college ball we did it with a new viewing arrangement: each with our own TV in different rooms. The problem with the plan was that I had the game recorded so was watching an hour behind her and even with the doors closed and my failing hearing her outbursts pretty well gave away the ending.